December 11, 2011
1 Year Ago
I’m back to writing again after abandoning my blog for more than a year. Surprising enough, I still get visitors although there haven’t been any updates done on this blog! Anyway, where shall I start? It has been a rough year for me, work, life…ect, hence the lack of time to write.
Finally got my stuff together and I feel like my life is changing for good, especially for year 2012. If you have been following my post, you know that I have been through very rough times throughout the years. Something changed in me, I’m not sure what triggered this but I want to take control of my life and clean up the mess that I have made. Probably I have grown up a lil more. Well at least I’d like to think that way. Or perhaps I’m sick of being in a mess.
Anyhow, I’m working towards a very good future for myself. Year 2012 is the time where I need to have the will of steel and discipline of a soldier to get my goals. Hopefully all goes well. And I am grateful to have family and friends that supports my cause 100%! 
On another note, Oscar invited me to a gathering last night and surprise surprise!! I met some friends I haven’t seen in years! And we were talking about how when we first met, I was this naive little thing fresh in KL trying to build a new life. And now after 5 or 6 years, I have grown so much! This friend said she feels old now…if 5 or 6 years back she had a kid, the kid would be at least 4feet all now (wtf??). Bullshit aside, I was extremely happy to see them again, they are the ones who opened my eyes in this big city life. That’s what friends are for right?
So I guessed this is my very first update for year 2011, although it is already December, but heck, better late than never! Stay tuned for more, as I will be updating this blog more often from now on. Adios!
April 19, 2010
Weirdos
Finally I feel like writing something here…merely because I have some stuff to rant about. It’s kinda been a rollercoaster ride for me lately. Two things I hated the most happened to me, accusation and humiliation. On normal circumstances, I can be quite “cin cai” but if I were to be accused of something I did not do and humiliated, that’s it, I’ll fight you till I get my revenge!
I was probably 2 weeks ago, had a big fight with my mom, she accused me of not doing enough to make money! Accused me of not caring, not doing anything to help the situation. She refused to listen to my explanation, I have done everything I can but it’s never enough for her. I told her I do not want to talk about this anymore because clearly it’s not a conversation anymore and stormed out of her room. Next thing I knew, she came to my room and demanded I open the door or she’ll break it down. Opened up, got my stuff and walk right out of the house. Refused to pick up any of her calls despite it’s past midnight (I still have my ridiculous curfew). She was scheduled to fly out station the next day for a week. I was kinda glad she’s away because I hate to fight. I felt strongly to protect my rights, accusation is not to be taken ligthly, although it’s not really a wise thing to give your mother the cold treatment but I did to prove that mothers are not always right. After a week of cold treatment, mom finally apologized to me after she talked to a family friend and realized that she was wrong. We mended out relationship after that.
Sigh..I though everything is over then came another incident that really made me felt silly and pissed at the same time! I live with my mom, and 2 other housemates (married couple) they had 2 babies in a year and the grandparents had to come over to take care of the kids. Well, did I mention that we SHARE everything in the house? My housemates kinda colonized the house literally. I never get to cook in the kitchen, dining table is always full of their stuff, I can never find the time to do my laundry because the machine is always in use, stupid toys everywhere (I would have died if I hadn’t held on to the railing when I trip over a toy on the stairs one night), noise pollution and not to mention that they are bloody inconsiderate! I’ll rant about that the next time.
Well, just a couple of days ago, as usual went to the kitchen to get a glass of water to drink, brought it up to my room. After that I heard a knock on my door, it was the grandfather, he asked if I was using a cup. I said yeah…so? He demanded that he want to use that cup (not in a very nice way) I was left flabbergasted! Why on earth do u want this cup for??? There’s tons of cups in the kitchen shelves. He did this twice already and this is the third time he does it. I told him he’ll have to wait because I haven’t drank my water yet. He demanded again raising his voice, gee that really got on my nerve, especially when I have a guest in my room. He’s not respecting my privacy, but I did not say anything, instead, took the bloody cup, went downstairs pour the water in the sink and slam the cup on the wooden table in front of him and his son and said, you can have the fucking cup! His son was just staring at me bewilded (well, I don’t fucking care!).
I told my mom about these incident last night, and she said we should do this experiment. I’ll use her personnel cup while she’ll use the SHARING cups in the kitchen to see weather the uncle will come demand the cup from her LOL! But my guess is, he’ll come to me instead and I’ll definitely say something nasty this time, he humiliated me in front of my guest and that I cannot forgive. Seriously, he’s old but he’s not sick, it’s just his attitude that sucked! I’ve stopped being nice to him or any of his family member. It’s not worth the effort I tell you. Mom said something which I totally agreed last night! She said “if they can do whatever they want, we can do it too, why do we have to live to their rules when we SHARE the house!” And by saying this I think mom should stop going to the market for them. Seriously, it blows a hole in the pocket to feed the entire household!
There’s no use ranting…I probably should just move out. Peace *V*
March 14, 2010
She went out with her “boyfriend”
It’s been quite awhile since I last updated my blog…and I’m feeling kinda guilty not doing so. You see, I have no idea who visits my blog besides some of you whom I know (you know who you are 
thanks for visiting), the point is, I still get the average number of visitors to my blog that I get when I do update my blog even though I haven’t done so for more than a month! So I’ve decided not to abandon my blog and come back and write something here.
Where shall I start…so many things had happened. I don’t even know where to begin!
Major highlights are
1) I lost my car but got it back again, and I don’t wanna talk about it here. It’s too depressing.
2) I freaking have a curfew now because of the lost & found car (never in my life I had a curfew before!)
3) At the same day I lost the car, I almost missed my dance performance/cancelled our paid performance at a company event because my entire set of costume was in the car!
4) I found someone that mean a lot to me 
, well this was not a month ago but it wasn’t mentioned in any of the posts. Somehow I just wasn’t ready to let anyone know…but I did, officially. It was nerve wrecking!!! It turned out alright I guessed. LOL! I still remember Nic saying “told you so!” Hehe, I know, I know
5) During my visit back to hometown in Penang, found out one of my youngest cousin (we kinda grew up together when we’re kids) is gay!! And she came out to the entire family! A strict Catholic family and they were fine with it!! I couldn’t believe my ears when we were all having a lil girl chat in the room with my youngest aunt and cousins. And somehow I felt a lil jealousy from myself cuz I’m gay and I’m not out to my family, I don’t have the guts to do it. I was kinda intimidated as well because I don’t want my family to know yet but at one point of the conversation, I asked (should have just shut my blardy mouth!) “So..how does her “boyfriend” look like?” My cousin bluntly pointed her finger at me and said “Like you“. What the earth??? Gee I almost got a heart attack there, but I wanna make sure what she meant and she said “the girlfriend is really good looking, dressed like a guy and she look like you!” Then I realized what she meant, I look androgynous since I was a kid, always have been, so to straight people, it’s called a “guy-ish girl” and not bluntly pointing out that I might be gay..hmm I don’t know. Well, subject changed and I was glad I didn’t have to be confronted about my sexuality by my family…a strict Catholic family!
Anyway, I think that’s all for today’s post. I really don’t have much that I want to write here (not for public view at least 
), so I’ll be back to update in a few days’ time I hope!
Thanks folks, for tuning in!
February 2, 2010
That’s How The Cookie Crumbles
I think those of you who followed my blog religiously would know that I always dub myself as ignorant and how it got me into loads of mess. And guess what? It has happened again. I was ignorant to the signs, to my visions and my instinct and now I’m in a big mess. I never did learnt my lesson. I’m so pissed at myself for the need to be so positive all the time!
I saw the signs earlier on but I ignored it thinking that it will work out somehow. But it did not. My instinct was telling me to stand my ground but I did not because I was afraid to burn bridges. And now I’m suffering the consequences. So fucking pissed with this! And because of ignorance, I wasted so much time waiting and waiting for the biggest project that my company is handling to happen despite KNOWING that it will not work out. But I can’t regret or submerge myself in self pity and anger. I feel like breaking some glasses and knocking the table over. Seriously, my reaction was so big when I got the news that it was not going to happen that people around me just stared at me bewilded. Sigh….
Well, a friend said that everything happens for a reason, no point being upset about it. With that I came to realization about the truth of what she mentioned to me. I finally saw how the cookie crumbled and how the puzzles starting to fit together. The Almighty has his own way giving us what we want. I have a dream, to expand my business with what I do best but was stopped by the circumstances. There was no way it will happen in the timeline that I’ve set up. But now I do. With my biggest project cancelled, I get to pursue my dream in the timeline that I’ve set up! But never in my wildest dreams that I’m going to hit such a huge disappointment before I can go on with my dream. I guess there’s always a wall to hit before you get anything done eh?
I try not to let emotions run me. I discovered that I can be such a cold person that I can set my emotions aside with a snap of fingers. Switched into a cold blooded businesswoman regardless if I burn the bridges or not. I was scared at myself for a moment there but logic kicked in and I know this is the right thing to do. I am going to do it and not waste precious time on my company’s expense. I’m tired of the informality and the way business is being run. For once, I’m going to stand my ground instead of saying “I told you so”. Wish me luck! Am going to change my history once and for all.
January 29, 2010
Precious Pounds
I have this dilemma going on about my weight. Technically, I’m underweight but I don’t look like an anorexic. Gained 7 pounds during the holidays and I was pretty excited about it although I broke my healthy diet regime by eating a lot of junk. Then after the holidays, I’m back to making my own food. My meals are a mix of dark green vegetables and high protein diet so that I can build more flesh instead of fat. Well, I do have my portion of carbs once in awhile when I do a lot of cardio. I’ve been dancing probably 3-4 hours daily to prepare for an upcoming show and I’ve lost the 7 pounds that I’ve gained! :S My dilemma is, I need to have carbs to fuel my energy source but at the same time I want to build more toned flesh and carbs are not helping! If I only have high protein diet, then I’m low on energy to dance. Yeah, you’ll probably say, include both carbs and protein in your diet! I can only eat certain amount of food. So if I put in carbs, I can’t take that much protein, which I need to help me flesh up and toned. So what’s the point of me taking carbs to fuel my energy to dance and can’t build flesh?? Defeats the purpose of exercise ain’t it?
Besides, I find that with a high protein diet, I tone really easy!! But kinda breathless after 5-6 continuous rounds of the dance routine LOL!!! I think I should start body pump exercise again to put on weight with flesh to compensate for the lost of weight because of too much cardio. *gotta go sabo somebody’s dumbells!*
p/s: by the way, as a rule of thumb, do not go to the extreme, too much protein kills!! And of course do not have zero carbs. It has to be balanced
January 27, 2010
Nightmares VS Sleep
What the HELL…it’s almost 6am and I’m still awake watching Guns N Roses Patience live on Youtube! Sigh…I just can’t fall asleep. I’m tired but my mind just wouldn’t let me sleep. I had a theory, that maybe I was afraid to close my eyes and have nightmares. I’ve had nightmares 2days in a row. Really have no idea why I have them. I have them when I sleep at night and even when I take an afternoon nap! The first day I had it, I was jolted awake screaming for help. The second time….I don’t remember the dream but I knew it was scary as well.
I think I shall have some milk (comfort food mah) and try to sleep because I’m really beat and tomorrow (technically it’s later in the morning) will be a long, long day.
Good night peeps!
Fit As A Fiddle eh?
Sigh…I don’t know how to start writing this.. it’s about my health. I seem physically fit..but something’s not right with my body. My seasonal lethargic-ness is coming back. And it always comes around at the early start of the year and will last for at least 3 months. Might be the weather shift? I don’t know…I shall just meditate more..even though I’m still conscious during meditation, I can still get my rest there. But I’m not in the mood to meditate these days…ugh! It takes up too much time and concentration :S
On another note, I’m having dinner with Hiu and Oscar tonight…apparently Oscar’s got some juicy story going on about last night why she stayed up till the wee hours in the morning! HAHAHA!
January 17, 2010
Need For Speed
Two days ago…hold on, it was yesterday. A friend invited me to join her and her colleagues for a go-carting session at the Shah Alam Stadium. I was pretty excited about it but hesitated to actually take a drive because I was kinda shy and didn’t wanna be dubbed as a “show-off”. Well, I was in the go-carting team in the junior league back during high school years. We raced around in narrow indoor tracks. But I decided to go for it since it was an outdoor track, a big one at that. And my friend’s colleague is a trained go-carter.
Jumped into one of those carts with max speed of 80km/hr, I was surprised that there’s no safety belts to put on! I didn’t really care anyways, rev the engine and off I went onto the tracks. It was really different driving out in the open air track. Track was super rough, it was wider and the carts were faster! I got such huge adrenaline rush from the speed! I think I’m never gonna race in indoor tracks ever again! Although I was numb from all those vibrations where it made my glasses clatter all the time, it was all worth it!
As I got more comfortable, I decided to speed up. Went on top speed at the turns and the feeling was like “SHIT I’M GONNA DIE IF THE CART FLIP OVER!” And soon I caught up with this guy wearing silver helmet, he is a regular racer I think. He decided to race with me, GAME ON! I had so much fun! He’s such a good competitor and he won! Even if I did not skid off track when one of my tires rolled onto the elevated barrier, I couldn’t have won the race too LOL! It has been so long since I last raced with a go-cart!
Well, all good things always comes to an end, some guy flagged us all down and we all exited into the pit stop. I was feeling kinda woozy when I got out from the cart, I guess it was the sun, heat and extreme vibrations. Then I realized, I just ruined my white khakis! DAMNET! Fuel spilled all over my legs when I hit the elevated barrier and I did not notice it! Thank goodness it did not combusted into flames :O
This outing really made my day I was so pumped up despite suffering from the G-Force pull now. Whole upper half of my body is aching and stiff LOL!! However, this is not gonna be my last time racing there, I’m gonna go for a drive again probably after CNY
January 14, 2010
Dragon Ball
“dragon ball all flashed before me when you mention that! LOL! “
LOL! Yeah, I was telling a friend about me being hit by someone’s energy field last night. Her using dragon ball to describe the incident was kinda close to what I felt! I was an idiot, forgetting the basic rule of protecting myself before starting the energy wave thing. Then it came..felt like a big invisible rock just landed on my chest that made me go UHUUUUUKKKKK!!! WTH right? I was doing it because it’s an important matter (I can’t say what it is), and spent the whole night practicing and really pushed myself mentally. But I only got a little out of it. It was a double doze thing, cuz I was taping into another person’s energy field..well just for the fun of it
It wasn’t that fun after 3 hrs of doing that, I was drained…mentally exhausted. Went home, can’t sleep. Twist and turned till around 4am. Had disturbed sleep..weird enough, I just went ”TING!” woke up at 930am. Fell asleep again till around 3pm just now and I still feel like shit!
Am gonna relax and hopefully have better sleep tonight to compensate my lack of sleep last night
Mind Reader
It has turned into a guessing game! What on earth??? I don’t wanna guess no more…driving me up the wall thinking about it!
January 10, 2010
Dozed..as House says it
Yeah I was dozed last night. By caffeine that is. Who on earth gets hazy on too much caffeine? Isn’t it supposed to make you more alert and hyper?? Throughout the day, I had 2 cokes, 1 coffee, 1 extra thick mocha frap, 3 pots of apple tea and half a pack of cigarettes, and that was it. I was high as if on drugs! Blimey! I had a wacky smile stuck on my face and can’t walk a straight line! Strange…I could drive home fine. :O
January 8, 2010
Last Moments
Was watching House MD just now. There was the scene where the patient is dying in 24 hours time, so the doctor asked her who would she like him to call. And she said she have no one to call, not even friends. Depressing right? Then the thought occurred to me, let say I’m in her shoes, who would I want to spend my last few hours with? After a long time of thinking, I realized that it’s not my family that I want to spend time with…it’s you guys. Bindy, Jill and Wendy. Yes it’s you guys that I want to spend my time with You all meant the world to me
January 7, 2010
Effing High~
I just can’t get enough of Sugizo’s performances!! Especially the number “Enola Gay” at the RISE TO COSMIC DANCE concert! He just blew my mind away with his style! Not that he’s faster or wilder than other great guitarists, it’s the total package there. The stage, mood, lighting, his music..it just completes the entire act.
MSN conversation just a few seconds ago:
It’s Never Too Late
I’ve been having this urge for the past few months, the urge so strong that made me pick up from where I left off 5 years ago. Well, not exactly picking up but more of catching up And I find myself struggling with the lack of equipment. What exactly am I talking about here? LOL! I’m now at the start of fulfilling my dream – to be a better, faster, crazier lead guitarist than I used to be!
There’s not many things that I would regret but there is one, where I sold off my beloved electric guitar. Now, due to financial constraint, I can’t afford to simply purchase one. I’d have to make do with a semi-acoustic with very low tolerance for action and that really suck!
Been practicing for 2 months now and I really don’t know how I’m progressing, well sort of. Faster? Not really, in fact very slow :s Crazier? Yes! Can’t help it when the strings “twang” so much cause of it’s low action nature :s Not to mention that my fingers are a mess! My callouses are falling off my fingers, literally!! So the process have to stop for a week while I wait for my raw fingers to heal.
I know it’s kinda weird practicing lead with a semi-acoustic, I have no choice. Well, who knows, it’s harder to play lead on an acoustic so it’ll be easier when I land my hands on an electric! And it sure did! A friend asked me to accompany her to get a guitar today, so we went to this shop in Sri Petaling. She got herself and acoustic while I spotted a white electric beauty! Picked it up and I had this overwhelming sense of dejavu. Then tried some riffs on it, and WHOA! Surprised myself! I guess my theory made sense after all! It was definitely easier! Made the guitar sing like never before and I had this little sense of satisfaction that I still got if after all these years
On another note, I stumbled across a guitarist called Sugizo in Youtube. He’s insanely talented!! Love the way he plays, the precision and speed yet full of emotions. He’s going to be my new inspiration to push myself harder to become what I want to be, a better, faster, crazier lead guitarist!
p/s: Slash, you are still my biggest idol!!
(ever wonder why great guitarists have names starting with the letter “S”?? steve vai, slash, sugizo..etc)
January 5, 2010
China….The Forbidden Country
Had a chat with a friend today and somehow the topic went to China so to speak LOL! Told her about my experience there and she said I should blog about it. I haven’t had this blog yet when I visited China 3years ago so it did not occur to me to write something about it here. But I think I should, Grace, if you haven’t reminded me I think the memories would probably go down the drain after a few more years HAHA!
So here goes, the company I used to worked with is organizing a company trip to China 3 years ago. We can bring a spouse/mother/father/siblings/friend..etc, so I brought my best friend along. Took the red eye plane to China. First thing I noticed at the airport was everything written there was in mandarin! Holy crap! The washroom at the airport, it has signs saying “Please SAVE Water” I didn’t know water needs rescuing over there LOL! Anyway, waited for our “cab” to come pick us up. I turned out to be a mini van, we all piled in (there were 13 of us) and drove 2 hours into Shanghai. On the way, I saw this ultra cool bullet train, din really know what it was at first because it whooshed passed us in the blink of an eye! According to the travel brochure, it’s one of the fastest bullet train in the world, travelling at the speed of 400kmph! WHOA!
I was pretty excited about the trip because I’ve never been to China before. We reached our hotel and damn I love my boss!! It was the Renaissance Hotel right smack in the middle of Shanghai city and I got a huge luxurious suite with a mouthwatering jacuzzi all to myself! How awesome is that! After refreshing ourselves, we went down to get some lunch. Walked along the back ally (which really stinks and dirty) found this noodle place. Food was awesome but not for long, I had a bout of throwing up afterwards, apparently the Chinese there cook all their food with tons of MSG in it!
I can’t remember much of what we did the first day, I did alot of wandering around the older part of Shanghai and it was an eye opening experience for me! People were dressed in pajamas as if it is the trendiest thing on earth! In the mall…everywhere! Well, according to the locals, pajamas is a luxury, only the rich and famous get to wear them. Hmm…bizarre!
I barely ate anything after the first meal and McD’s was my savior! LOL! The second day, we went to this bazar that is famous for tailor made clothes and imitations. I made myself an imitated Burberry cloak/raincoat for just RM100! Weather there was kinda freaky too. It was hot and dry during the day, cold as hell at night!
On the third day, we went on a tour to Hangzhou, took a 3 hour van ride from Shanghai to see loads of mountains..and mountains..and endless mountains :O I learned very quickly why women there carry an umbrella wherever they go. For convenience sake when they have to go to the loo. Toilets are a nightmare..if there is one :S Then we visited a tea garden, were invited to a tea ceremony where they show us how to make tea, how to drink it..the rules and traditions. I was impressed yet having the feeling of brain overload with too much information HAHA!
On our way to a restaurant, one of the restaurants caught my eye. It’s kinda grand…but weird. So I asked my tour guide what is that place. She said it’s a health restaurant where babies are served. I was puzzled, so she explained further, China has this one family one child policy families sold their unwanted babies to that restaurant so they can make soup from it. It is a delicacy to many in China. OH MY GOD!!!! HOW BARBARIC CAN PEOPLE BE!!???? She even had the nerve to ask us if we want to try it!! Well, I totally lost my appetite after that, in the restaurant (a different one) I kept checking my food to see if there’s anything weird in it..or perhaps a baby’s hand :S But there’s this reptile’s claw in the soup…totally revolting. All I ate was this fruit..damn, I can’t remember what it’s called! (u know the legendary Monkey God who stole those fruits from deity’s trees, ate them and he became a mortal?)
So that was one day gone, on the fourth day…I don’t remember what we did..shopping? Yeah shopping, boy those store keepers are aggressive!! I just wanted to have a look and they won’t let me leave the store till I bought something!! Made a scene there, I was damned pissed and threatened to call security (but I don’t think it will help though).
I wasn’t having that much fun as I thought it would be, I was miserable, hungry and dying to pee all the time! Then my boss gave me the best news ever! We’re going for some proper food tonight. It’s a fancy restaurant called Laris and they serve the best European food in China! What’s more, we’ll be dining on the rooftop of the restaurant overlooking the Shanghai Bund! We all dolled up and headed to the restaurant. Awesome…..best food I’ve ever tasted, I had steak that was cooked for 6hrs and still rare where it melts in my mouth! And the have a mini chocolate factory in the restaurant itself! I was thoroughly enjoying the experience probably the one enjoyable moment of my 5days trip to China. We dine and wine till around midnight and headed back to the hotel. Out of curiosity, asked my boss how much was the bill. It was RM9,000!! Holy crap! That was expensive! I just ate food that worth about RM700! Gave my boss a sweet little thank you hug and head back to the hotel
So that’s how my trip ended. I was glad to be on the plane back home…home where I used to complain so much about that I kinda appreciate how things are over here now.
December 31, 2009
New Year Aftermath
Urghh…I’m feeling sick from too much drinking :S Gonna go puke my guts out. Nites peeps!
