Finally got my stuff together and I feel like my life is changing for good, especially for year 2012. If you have been following my post, you know that I have been through very rough times throughout the years. Something changed in me, I’m not sure what triggered this but I want to take control of my life and clean up the mess that I have made. Probably I have grown up a lil more. Well at least I’d like to think that way. Or perhaps I’m sick of being in a mess.

Anyhow, I’m working towards a very good future for myself. Year 2012 is the time where I need to have the will of steel and discipline of a soldier to get my goals. Hopefully all goes well. And I am grateful to have family and friends that supports my cause 100%!

On another note, Oscar invited me to a gathering last night and surprise surprise!! I met some friends I haven’t seen in years! And we were talking about how when we first met, I was this naive little thing fresh in KL trying to build a new life. And now after 5 or 6 years, I have grown so much! This friend said she feels old now…if 5 or 6 years back she had a kid, the kid would be at least 4feet all now (wtf??). Bullshit aside, I was extremely happy to see them again, they are the ones who opened my eyes in this big city life. That’s what friends are for right?

So I guessed this is my very first update for year 2011, although it is already December, but heck, better late than never! Stay tuned for more, as I will be updating this blog more often from now on. Adios!

I was probably 2 weeks ago, had a big fight with my mom, she accused me of not doing enough to make money! Accused me of not caring, not doing anything to help the situation. She refused to listen to my explanation, I have done everything I can but it’s never enough for her. I told her I do not want to talk about this anymore because clearly it’s not a conversation anymore and stormed out of her room. Next thing I knew, she came to my room and demanded I open the door or she’ll break it down. Opened up, got my stuff and walk right out of the house. Refused to pick up any of her calls despite it’s past midnight (I still have my ridiculous curfew). She was scheduled to fly out station the next day for a week. I was kinda glad she’s away because I hate to fight. I felt strongly to protect my rights, accusation is not to be taken ligthly, although it’s not really a wise thing to give your mother the cold treatment but I did to prove that mothers are not always right. After a week of cold treatment, mom finally apologized to me after she talked to a family friend and realized that she was wrong. We mended out relationship after that.

Sigh..I though everything is over then came another incident that really made me felt silly and pissed at the same time! I live with my mom, and 2 other housemates (married couple) they had 2 babies in a year and the grandparents had to come over to take care of the kids. Well, did I mention that we SHARE everything in the house? My housemates kinda colonized the house literally. I never get to cook in the kitchen, dining table is always full of their stuff, I can never find the time to do my laundry because the machine is always in use, stupid toys everywhere (I would have died if I hadn’t held on to the railing when I trip over a toy on the stairs one night), noise pollution and not to mention that they are bloody inconsiderate! I’ll rant about that the next time.

Well, just a couple of days ago, as usual went to the kitchen to get a glass of water to drink, brought it up to my room. After that I heard a knock on my door, it was the grandfather, he asked if I was using a cup. I said yeah…so? He demanded that he want to use that cup (not in a very nice way) I was left flabbergasted! Why on earth do u want this cup for??? There’s tons of cups in the kitchen shelves. He did this twice already and this is the third time he does it. I told him he’ll have to wait because I haven’t drank my water yet. He demanded again raising his voice, gee that really got on my nerve, especially when I have a guest in my room. He’s not respecting my privacy, but I did not say anything, instead, took the bloody cup, went downstairs pour the water in the sink and slam the cup on the wooden table in front of him and his son and said, you can have the fucking cup! His son was just staring at me bewilded (well, I don’t fucking care!).

I told my mom about these incident last night, and she said we should do this experiment. I’ll use her personnel cup while she’ll use the SHARING cups in the kitchen to see weather the uncle will come demand the cup from her LOL! But my guess is, he’ll come to me instead and I’ll definitely say something nasty this time, he humiliated me in front of my guest and that I cannot forgive. Seriously, he’s old but he’s not sick, it’s just his attitude that sucked! I’ve stopped being nice to him or any of his family member. It’s not worth the effort I tell you. Mom said something which I totally agreed last night! She said “if they can do whatever they want, we can do it too, why do we have to live to their rules when we SHARE the house!” And by saying this I think mom should stop going to the market for them. Seriously, it blows a hole in the pocket to feed the entire household!

There’s no use ranting…I probably should just move out. Peace *V*

(you know who you are thanks for visiting)

Where shall I start…so many things had happened. I don’t even know where to begin!

Major highlights are

1) I lost my car but got it back again, and I don’t wanna talk about it here. It’s too depressing.

2) I freaking have a curfew now because of the lost & found car (never in my life I had a curfew before!)

3) At the same day I lost the car, I almost missed my dance performance/cancelled our paid performance at a company event because my entire set of costume was in the car!

4) I found someone that mean a lot to me , well this was not a month ago but it wasn’t mentioned in any of the posts. Somehow I just wasn’t ready to let anyone know…but I did, officially. It was nerve wrecking!!! It turned out alright I guessed. LOL! I still remember Nic saying “told you so!” Hehe, I know, I know

5) During my visit back to hometown in Penang, found out one of my youngest cousin (we kinda grew up together when we’re kids) is gay!! And she came out to the entire family! A strict Catholic family and they were fine with it!! I couldn’t believe my ears when we were all having a lil girl chat in the room with my youngest aunt and cousins. And somehow I felt a lil jealousy from myself cuz I’m gay and I’m not out to my family, I don’t have the guts to do it. I was kinda intimidated as well because I don’t want my family to know yet but at one point of the conversation, I asked (should have just shut my blardy mouth!) “So..how does her “boyfriend”  look like?” My cousin bluntly pointed her finger at me and said “Like you“. What the earth??? Gee I almost got a heart attack there, but I wanna make sure what she meant and she said “the girlfriend is really good looking, dressed like a guy and she look like you!” Then I realized what she meant, I look androgynous since I was a kid, always have been, so to straight people, it’s called a “guy-ish girl” and not bluntly pointing out that I might be gay..hmm I don’t know. Well, subject changed and I was glad I didn’t have to be confronted about my sexuality by my family…a strict Catholic family!

Anyway, I think that’s all for today’s post. I really don’t have much that I want to write here (not for public view at least ), so I’ll be back to update in a few days’ time I hope!

Thanks folks, for tuning in!

I saw the signs earlier on but I ignored it thinking that it will work out somehow. But it did not. My instinct was telling me to stand my ground but I did not because I was afraid to burn bridges. And now I’m suffering the consequences. So fucking pissed with this! And because of ignorance, I wasted so much time waiting and waiting for the biggest project that my company is handling to happen despite KNOWING that it will not work out. But I can’t regret or submerge myself in self pity and anger. I feel like breaking some glasses and knocking the table over. Seriously, my reaction was so big when I got the news that it was not going to happen that people around me just stared at me bewilded. Sigh….

Well, a friend said that everything happens for a reason, no point being upset about it. With that I came to realization about the truth of what she mentioned to me. I finally saw how the cookie crumbled and how the puzzles starting to fit together. The Almighty has his own way giving us what we want. I have a dream, to expand my business with what I do best but was stopped by the circumstances. There was no way it will happen in the timeline that I’ve set up. But now I do. With my biggest project cancelled, I get to pursue my dream in the timeline that I’ve set up! But never in my wildest dreams that I’m going to hit such a huge disappointment before I can go on with my dream. I guess there’s always a wall to hit before you get anything done eh?

I try not to let emotions run me. I discovered that I can be such a cold person that I can set my emotions aside with a snap of fingers. Switched into a cold blooded businesswoman regardless if I burn the bridges or not. I was scared at myself for a moment there but logic kicked in and I know this is the right thing to do. I am going to do it and not waste precious time on my company’s expense. I’m tired of the informality and the way business is being run. For once, I’m going to stand my ground instead of saying “I told you so”. Wish me luck! Am going to change my history once and for all.

Besides, I find that with a high protein diet, I tone really easy!! But kinda breathless after 5-6 continuous rounds of the dance routine LOL!!! I think I should start body pump exercise again to put on weight with flesh to compensate for the lost of weight because of too much cardio. *gotta go sabo somebody’s dumbells!*

p/s: by the way, as a rule of thumb, do not go to the extreme, too much protein kills!! And of course do not have zero carbs. It has to be balanced

I think I shall have some milk (comfort food mah) and try to sleep because I’m really beat and tomorrow (technically it’s later in the morning) will be a long, long day.

Good night peeps!

On another note, I’m having dinner with Hiu and Oscar tonight…apparently Oscar’s got some juicy story going on about last night why she stayed up till the wee hours in the morning! HAHAHA!